Grace

So, this is my first blog, and I have been putting off blogging for a while. I have thought about it before, but I decided recently I should start one!

This week has been so crazy for me! Tuesday, my boyfriend (Matt) and I of five months decided to cut our relationship off. And, things have been crazy ever since!

First off, my semester has been really crazy busy. On top of school, work, and trying to keep up with friends, I have been sick with a sinus infection almost every other week it seems. This has been VERY frustrating. It has caused me to miss church and ministry opportunities at the BCM (Baptist Collegiate Ministry) quite often! To be honest, I have been so down this semester, that I just felt too far gone for the Lord! I think Matt and I knew the Lord has been calling us to break-up for a while, but I wrestled the Lord. I did not want to give the relationship over to Him! I loved Matt and never wanted to break it off. However, he is moving to California, and our lives just seem to be going in two totally different directions. For any of you who have ever fought the Lord before, it is tiring to say the least. This semester, I have just been worn out trying to balance everything in my life, and I can honestly say that I failed miserably. I was feeling too far gone for the Lord's grace! I have never struggled like this in my entire life! After Matt and I decided to break it off, I was at peace about it. I missed him and the relationship, but knew it was the right thing to do. And, if it's the Lord's will for us to be together, then He will bring us back together!

Feeling like giving up, my best friend (Marissa) came to me! Our college minister at our church had called her and mended the relationship between them! And, as a result we all have mended our relationships! This is a HUGE answer to prayers!! After sharing with me all the Lord had been teaching her she then told me a story that I want to share with you:

First, you should know that I work at an after-school care at an inner-city private school. An oxymoron, right? It's totally scholarship based, and I work with the 3rd through 5th graders. There is a specific 5th grader who has been on my heart this year! She shared with me last semester how she frequently sneaks out of her house without her parents knowing and hangs out with much older kids, and they have a horrible influence on her! Ever since she found out I had been dating Matt, she had started telling me about her love life. She has been dating much older guys, that do not treat her well AT ALL! I have been praying for her, and been talking to her about all of this, but I never thought I was getting through. Well, a couple of weeks ago, she approached the Father who is employed at the school after a chapel. He had spoken on how important works were in our lives. However, she approached him and told him that he did not understand the Gospel! He asked what she meant. She explained that Miss Hannah understood the Gospel, and that she understood because no matter what I was always kind to her class and always forgave them! She said that even though Miss Hannah gets frustrated with her class sometimes because they do not listen, that she is still kind! And, she went on to explain how Miss Hannah knew she had messed up before, but knew God had forgiven her and that's why she forgave her class! And, this is what the Gospel was about! Not about works, but about forgiveness!

After Marissa finished telling me this story, I just wept! The Father at the school had come to Marissa asking her who "Miss Hannah" was. I have felt SO far gone! I felt beyond the Lord's grace! And, yet He still used me! This kindness is NOTHING of me, but everything of the Lord!!! I am not telling you this story to brag, but to share with you how great God's grace really is!! It blows me away!! A few of the other teachers at the school, also, heard the same girl say that if I had never told her about Matt, that she would have never confided in me about her relationships! She also said that because she saw that I could be single and happy, that she could be single and wait for the right guy to come along! I am SO humbled by all of this!

Not only has the Lord mended hurt relationships, but He has shown himself faithful and full of grace by allowing others to see Christ through me even when I was too pig-headed to trust Him!

But, the story doesn't end there! This weekend, I went on a leadership retreat with my BCM! The speaker spoke on Friday night about Hannah from the Bible! I was named after her! And, I feel like the Lord was speaking directly to me from that passage! Hannah is Hebrew for "grace". And, His grace was evident in her life as well as in mine! Praise Him!!

My response to all this is this:

"So, I'll stand, with arms high and heart abandoned, in awe of the One Who gave it all! So, I'll stand, my soul Lord, to You surrendered! All I am is Yours!"
"But, what can I say? What can I do? But, offer this heart, O God, completely to You!"

Psalm 34:8
"Taste and see that the LORD is good; blessed is the man who takes refuge in Him."

That's all I have for now! Thanks for reading!
In Him,
Hannah :)