This week has been insanely crazy for me! As you can see from my past blogs...And, it's been hard...REALLY hard! My emotions have been up and down, and I don't know right from left it seems! I am learning how to forgive and move on...And, I am learning to trust the Lord in everything! And, I am learning to be patient! So often I find myself so consumed with my struggles and circumstances I am in, that I forget how amazing the Lord is and what He has done for me and who I am in Him! Tonight at Focus, Bro. Jim spoke on God's righteousness. God's righteousness, as found in Romans 1, is revealed through the Gospel. And, when Christ took the cross on Himself, and died He took the burden of all our sins! And, in return when we realize we are too far gone and can't do it on our own and surrender our lives to Christ, He imparts His righteousness on us! When you become a Christian, you by far do not become perfect! But, God has already poured out His wrath Christ through the cross! So, even when we mess up, we are covered in Christ's blood and God will not be angry at us! I am not saying this to say we should take advantage of His grace! Paul clearly warns against this! But, knowing this just reassures me of Christ's love and absolutely amazing grace that He has shown me! Praise God from whom all blessings flow!!! He is the calm in the middle of the storm that is my life! He is the reason I am living and breathing!!
Unworthy,
Hannah
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
Nightmare
I think the term nightmare best describes what my life has been like this week....I just want to wake up and it all have been a dream...But, that's not going to happen! Every morning I wake up and the pain is still there! I am just having to take one step at a time...
All for now,
Hannah
All for now,
Hannah
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
Wow...
Well, I think it's safe to say that the only thing missing from my day was Ashton Kutcher jumping out and yelling, "You got punk'd!" It's been a crazy insane day, and I am still trying to take it all in! But, at the end of every day, God is still faithful and still loves me and cares for me! He is the only constant in my life! And, for that I am SOOO thankful!!! Someone once told me that relationships won't work unless both people are trustworthy! And, that has rung SO true in my life today! I am thankful for the Lord's protection!!! Now, on to write my last paper for the semester!
In Him,
Hannah
In Him,
Hannah
Monday, April 12, 2010
Yep...
Today has been hard for me. Work was long, but the kids acted better than usual! I guess, I have been trying to be strong lately, but everyone has a breaking point where they just have to break down. And, I think that's what has been happening to me today. I wish I were stronger. I wish I knew how to communicate everything I was feeling. I wish loyalty, kindness, and forgiveness were not faults in me. The Lord has shown His love for me in amazing ways over the last week! And, He continues to do so! For that I am eternally grateful!! He is truly all I need! So, my prayer tonight is, "Creator, only You take brokenness and create it into beauty once again! So, please mend this porcelain heart of mine!"
Now on to writing two papers that I have due tomorrow...Why I procrastinate, I will never know. However, the good news is that these are the last two assignments I have for the semester! Two weeks more of school, then finals, then SUMMER! Praise the Lord!
Trusting Him,
Hannah
Now on to writing two papers that I have due tomorrow...Why I procrastinate, I will never know. However, the good news is that these are the last two assignments I have for the semester! Two weeks more of school, then finals, then SUMMER! Praise the Lord!
Trusting Him,
Hannah
Sunday, April 11, 2010
Baby
Saturday night at the leadership retreat this weekend, we had a talent show! And, yes! We dressed as babies, walked in the room on a rope, and did some crazy dance moves! :P It was a really fun experience! We danced in front of like 300 people! lol Something I never thought I would do! But, here's a picture of me and of the group of dancers! :)
Grace
So, this is my first blog, and I have been putting off blogging for a while. I have thought about it before, but I decided recently I should start one!
This week has been so crazy for me! Tuesday, my boyfriend (Matt) and I of five months decided to cut our relationship off. And, things have been crazy ever since!
First off, my semester has been really crazy busy. On top of school, work, and trying to keep up with friends, I have been sick with a sinus infection almost every other week it seems. This has been VERY frustrating. It has caused me to miss church and ministry opportunities at the BCM (Baptist Collegiate Ministry) quite often! To be honest, I have been so down this semester, that I just felt too far gone for the Lord! I think Matt and I knew the Lord has been calling us to break-up for a while, but I wrestled the Lord. I did not want to give the relationship over to Him! I loved Matt and never wanted to break it off. However, he is moving to California, and our lives just seem to be going in two totally different directions. For any of you who have ever fought the Lord before, it is tiring to say the least. This semester, I have just been worn out trying to balance everything in my life, and I can honestly say that I failed miserably. I was feeling too far gone for the Lord's grace! I have never struggled like this in my entire life! After Matt and I decided to break it off, I was at peace about it. I missed him and the relationship, but knew it was the right thing to do. And, if it's the Lord's will for us to be together, then He will bring us back together!
Feeling like giving up, my best friend (Marissa) came to me! Our college minister at our church had called her and mended the relationship between them! And, as a result we all have mended our relationships! This is a HUGE answer to prayers!! After sharing with me all the Lord had been teaching her she then told me a story that I want to share with you:
First, you should know that I work at an after-school care at an inner-city private school. An oxymoron, right? It's totally scholarship based, and I work with the 3rd through 5th graders. There is a specific 5th grader who has been on my heart this year! She shared with me last semester how she frequently sneaks out of her house without her parents knowing and hangs out with much older kids, and they have a horrible influence on her! Ever since she found out I had been dating Matt, she had started telling me about her love life. She has been dating much older guys, that do not treat her well AT ALL! I have been praying for her, and been talking to her about all of this, but I never thought I was getting through. Well, a couple of weeks ago, she approached the Father who is employed at the school after a chapel. He had spoken on how important works were in our lives. However, she approached him and told him that he did not understand the Gospel! He asked what she meant. She explained that Miss Hannah understood the Gospel, and that she understood because no matter what I was always kind to her class and always forgave them! She said that even though Miss Hannah gets frustrated with her class sometimes because they do not listen, that she is still kind! And, she went on to explain how Miss Hannah knew she had messed up before, but knew God had forgiven her and that's why she forgave her class! And, this is what the Gospel was about! Not about works, but about forgiveness!
After Marissa finished telling me this story, I just wept! The Father at the school had come to Marissa asking her who "Miss Hannah" was. I have felt SO far gone! I felt beyond the Lord's grace! And, yet He still used me! This kindness is NOTHING of me, but everything of the Lord!!! I am not telling you this story to brag, but to share with you how great God's grace really is!! It blows me away!! A few of the other teachers at the school, also, heard the same girl say that if I had never told her about Matt, that she would have never confided in me about her relationships! She also said that because she saw that I could be single and happy, that she could be single and wait for the right guy to come along! I am SO humbled by all of this!
Not only has the Lord mended hurt relationships, but He has shown himself faithful and full of grace by allowing others to see Christ through me even when I was too pig-headed to trust Him!
But, the story doesn't end there! This weekend, I went on a leadership retreat with my BCM! The speaker spoke on Friday night about Hannah from the Bible! I was named after her! And, I feel like the Lord was speaking directly to me from that passage! Hannah is Hebrew for "grace". And, His grace was evident in her life as well as in mine! Praise Him!!
My response to all this is this:
"So, I'll stand, with arms high and heart abandoned, in awe of the One Who gave it all! So, I'll stand, my soul Lord, to You surrendered! All I am is Yours!"
"But, what can I say? What can I do? But, offer this heart, O God, completely to You!"
Psalm 34:8
"Taste and see that the LORD is good; blessed is the man who takes refuge in Him."
That's all I have for now! Thanks for reading!
In Him,
Hannah :)
This week has been so crazy for me! Tuesday, my boyfriend (Matt) and I of five months decided to cut our relationship off. And, things have been crazy ever since!
First off, my semester has been really crazy busy. On top of school, work, and trying to keep up with friends, I have been sick with a sinus infection almost every other week it seems. This has been VERY frustrating. It has caused me to miss church and ministry opportunities at the BCM (Baptist Collegiate Ministry) quite often! To be honest, I have been so down this semester, that I just felt too far gone for the Lord! I think Matt and I knew the Lord has been calling us to break-up for a while, but I wrestled the Lord. I did not want to give the relationship over to Him! I loved Matt and never wanted to break it off. However, he is moving to California, and our lives just seem to be going in two totally different directions. For any of you who have ever fought the Lord before, it is tiring to say the least. This semester, I have just been worn out trying to balance everything in my life, and I can honestly say that I failed miserably. I was feeling too far gone for the Lord's grace! I have never struggled like this in my entire life! After Matt and I decided to break it off, I was at peace about it. I missed him and the relationship, but knew it was the right thing to do. And, if it's the Lord's will for us to be together, then He will bring us back together!
Feeling like giving up, my best friend (Marissa) came to me! Our college minister at our church had called her and mended the relationship between them! And, as a result we all have mended our relationships! This is a HUGE answer to prayers!! After sharing with me all the Lord had been teaching her she then told me a story that I want to share with you:
First, you should know that I work at an after-school care at an inner-city private school. An oxymoron, right? It's totally scholarship based, and I work with the 3rd through 5th graders. There is a specific 5th grader who has been on my heart this year! She shared with me last semester how she frequently sneaks out of her house without her parents knowing and hangs out with much older kids, and they have a horrible influence on her! Ever since she found out I had been dating Matt, she had started telling me about her love life. She has been dating much older guys, that do not treat her well AT ALL! I have been praying for her, and been talking to her about all of this, but I never thought I was getting through. Well, a couple of weeks ago, she approached the Father who is employed at the school after a chapel. He had spoken on how important works were in our lives. However, she approached him and told him that he did not understand the Gospel! He asked what she meant. She explained that Miss Hannah understood the Gospel, and that she understood because no matter what I was always kind to her class and always forgave them! She said that even though Miss Hannah gets frustrated with her class sometimes because they do not listen, that she is still kind! And, she went on to explain how Miss Hannah knew she had messed up before, but knew God had forgiven her and that's why she forgave her class! And, this is what the Gospel was about! Not about works, but about forgiveness!
After Marissa finished telling me this story, I just wept! The Father at the school had come to Marissa asking her who "Miss Hannah" was. I have felt SO far gone! I felt beyond the Lord's grace! And, yet He still used me! This kindness is NOTHING of me, but everything of the Lord!!! I am not telling you this story to brag, but to share with you how great God's grace really is!! It blows me away!! A few of the other teachers at the school, also, heard the same girl say that if I had never told her about Matt, that she would have never confided in me about her relationships! She also said that because she saw that I could be single and happy, that she could be single and wait for the right guy to come along! I am SO humbled by all of this!
Not only has the Lord mended hurt relationships, but He has shown himself faithful and full of grace by allowing others to see Christ through me even when I was too pig-headed to trust Him!
But, the story doesn't end there! This weekend, I went on a leadership retreat with my BCM! The speaker spoke on Friday night about Hannah from the Bible! I was named after her! And, I feel like the Lord was speaking directly to me from that passage! Hannah is Hebrew for "grace". And, His grace was evident in her life as well as in mine! Praise Him!!
My response to all this is this:
"So, I'll stand, with arms high and heart abandoned, in awe of the One Who gave it all! So, I'll stand, my soul Lord, to You surrendered! All I am is Yours!"
"But, what can I say? What can I do? But, offer this heart, O God, completely to You!"
Psalm 34:8
"Taste and see that the LORD is good; blessed is the man who takes refuge in Him."
That's all I have for now! Thanks for reading!
In Him,
Hannah :)
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