A New Chapter

As it nears Christmas and the end of another year, I am thankful for the life and for the lessons learned this year. I am one week away from graduating from college! I only have one exam left, and this is VERY exciting for me!! :) However, it is also very scary, as well! Figuring out the next step is tough, and requires constant depending on the Lord for His strength and will and guidance! Fortunately for me, He is faithful and promises that if we seek Him, we will find Him! (Joshua 29) This year has proven to be trying, but has also made me a stronger person. Well, actually it has made me a weaker person, but stronger because I have had to rely on the Lord! I have had to grow up in a lot of ways this year! I have had my first "serious" relationship, I moved out, I am graduating college in a week, and am entering the "real world" (whatever that is). I, also, have become a part of a church plant called Bluff City Church! It is very exciting! It is all about community and reaching out to people! Just like the church in Acts!!! So many churches today only reach out to their own members and do what they can outside of their walls to look okay. But, Bluff City is about getting dirty, reaching out to the poor, helping those in need! Like the church in Acts, they strive to be in good standing with the people in our area! So many churches, I feel like, close themselves off from the area they live in! Pews are filled with people every Sunday searching for something more, but not finding it. Please do not misunderstand me, I do believe that there are a lot of genuine churches out there that are reaching out! However, the churches that aren't tend to give a bad rep. But, I will get off my soap box now! lol

It is extremely comical to me to think back and remember what I expected college to be like or where I expected myself to be at this point in life! SO totally different from where I am now! I remember being young and imagining myself at my Sweet 16, and being the captain of the cheer team and dating the extremely good-looking captain of the football team. Of course, he adored me and we served in ministry as leaders in our youth group. We got married a year or two outside of high school. We went to college together and he became successful at what he did, we raised four children (two boys and two girls) and moved to Africa to spend our days working with the widows and orphans. End Scene. Here I am at 23. In high school, I was a band nerd, and didn't date anyone. Here I am graduating college, and am single and not in Africa. But, I must say this! I am so thankful the Lord has had my life this way! I wouldn't change His plans for the world! Yes, the dream world I lived in when I was young was nice, and sweet and innocent. But, the world I live in now, is a testimony to God's hand in my life, and it is evident to see Him working! It is exciting and many times unpredictable! I am out of my comfort zone in so many ways, and I am loving it! Lately, it seems the story of Jonah rings true in my life! I was offered the opportunity to live overseas for a year or so working at a high paying job in my degree. Now, to the average eye, this is the perfect opportunity! I am not tied down at the moment, and living overseas so close to many of the popular vacation spots would be a dream, right? Well, every time I consider it, the Lord brings the story of Jonah in my life. Overseas right now, is my Tarsis (sp?), and where I am is my Ninevah. I will serve here because the Lord has called me here, but I realized the other day, that I have been kicking and screaming the whole way! This is the last place I wanted to end up! This is a dead zone for available guys, the crime rate is through the roof, and I have lived here my whole life! Now is the time for adventure and traveling, right? Wrong. Right now is the time in my life that God has called me here. And, to see Him work through these things, through my worries and through my fears and to provide for me, is just more evidence to me of His power and love and grace and hand in my life! He knows the plans He has for me! They are to prosper me and not to harm me and to give me a hope and a future! He knitted me together in my mother's womb! He knows my ins and outs and He knows my heart! And, He STILL loves me! It amazes me!!! There is NOTHING I could ever do to deserve that love, nor could I ever understand it! But, I am SO SO grateful for it!!! Thank you, Jesus for not giving up on me!!!!

The Calm in the Midst of the Storm

This week has been insanely crazy for me! As you can see from my past blogs...And, it's been hard...REALLY hard! My emotions have been up and down, and I don't know right from left it seems! I am learning how to forgive and move on...And, I am learning to trust the Lord in everything! And, I am learning to be patient! So often I find myself so consumed with my struggles and circumstances I am in, that I forget how amazing the Lord is and what He has done for me and who I am in Him! Tonight at Focus, Bro. Jim spoke on God's righteousness. God's righteousness, as found in Romans 1, is revealed through the Gospel. And, when Christ took the cross on Himself, and died He took the burden of all our sins! And, in return when we realize we are too far gone and can't do it on our own and surrender our lives to Christ, He imparts His righteousness on us! When you become a Christian, you by far do not become perfect! But, God has already poured out His wrath Christ through the cross! So, even when we mess up, we are covered in Christ's blood and God will not be angry at us! I am not saying this to say we should take advantage of His grace! Paul clearly warns against this! But, knowing this just reassures me of Christ's love and absolutely amazing grace that He has shown me! Praise God from whom all blessings flow!!! He is the calm in the middle of the storm that is my life! He is the reason I am living and breathing!!

Unworthy,
Hannah

Nightmare

I think the term nightmare best describes what my life has been like this week....I just want to wake up and it all have been a dream...But, that's not going to happen! Every morning I wake up and the pain is still there! I am just having to take one step at a time...

All for now,
Hannah

Wow...

Well, I think it's safe to say that the only thing missing from my day was Ashton Kutcher jumping out and yelling, "You got punk'd!" It's been a crazy insane day, and I am still trying to take it all in! But, at the end of every day, God is still faithful and still loves me and cares for me! He is the only constant in my life! And, for that I am SOOO thankful!!! Someone once told me that relationships won't work unless both people are trustworthy! And, that has rung SO true in my life today! I am thankful for the Lord's protection!!! Now, on to write my last paper for the semester!

In Him,
Hannah

Yep...

Today has been hard for me. Work was long, but the kids acted better than usual! I guess, I have been trying to be strong lately, but everyone has a breaking point where they just have to break down. And, I think that's what has been happening to me today. I wish I were stronger. I wish I knew how to communicate everything I was feeling. I wish loyalty, kindness, and forgiveness were not faults in me. The Lord has shown His love for me in amazing ways over the last week! And, He continues to do so! For that I am eternally grateful!! He is truly all I need! So, my prayer tonight is, "Creator, only You take brokenness and create it into beauty once again! So, please mend this porcelain heart of mine!"

Now on to writing two papers that I have due tomorrow...Why I procrastinate, I will never know. However, the good news is that these are the last two assignments I have for the semester! Two weeks more of school, then finals, then SUMMER! Praise the Lord!

Trusting Him,
Hannah

Baby

Saturday night at the leadership retreat this weekend, we had a talent show! And, yes! We dressed as babies, walked in the room on a rope, and did some crazy dance moves! :P It was a really fun experience! We danced in front of like 300 people! lol Something I never thought I would do! But, here's a picture of me and of the group of dancers! :)

Grace

So, this is my first blog, and I have been putting off blogging for a while. I have thought about it before, but I decided recently I should start one!

This week has been so crazy for me! Tuesday, my boyfriend (Matt) and I of five months decided to cut our relationship off. And, things have been crazy ever since!

First off, my semester has been really crazy busy. On top of school, work, and trying to keep up with friends, I have been sick with a sinus infection almost every other week it seems. This has been VERY frustrating. It has caused me to miss church and ministry opportunities at the BCM (Baptist Collegiate Ministry) quite often! To be honest, I have been so down this semester, that I just felt too far gone for the Lord! I think Matt and I knew the Lord has been calling us to break-up for a while, but I wrestled the Lord. I did not want to give the relationship over to Him! I loved Matt and never wanted to break it off. However, he is moving to California, and our lives just seem to be going in two totally different directions. For any of you who have ever fought the Lord before, it is tiring to say the least. This semester, I have just been worn out trying to balance everything in my life, and I can honestly say that I failed miserably. I was feeling too far gone for the Lord's grace! I have never struggled like this in my entire life! After Matt and I decided to break it off, I was at peace about it. I missed him and the relationship, but knew it was the right thing to do. And, if it's the Lord's will for us to be together, then He will bring us back together!

Feeling like giving up, my best friend (Marissa) came to me! Our college minister at our church had called her and mended the relationship between them! And, as a result we all have mended our relationships! This is a HUGE answer to prayers!! After sharing with me all the Lord had been teaching her she then told me a story that I want to share with you:

First, you should know that I work at an after-school care at an inner-city private school. An oxymoron, right? It's totally scholarship based, and I work with the 3rd through 5th graders. There is a specific 5th grader who has been on my heart this year! She shared with me last semester how she frequently sneaks out of her house without her parents knowing and hangs out with much older kids, and they have a horrible influence on her! Ever since she found out I had been dating Matt, she had started telling me about her love life. She has been dating much older guys, that do not treat her well AT ALL! I have been praying for her, and been talking to her about all of this, but I never thought I was getting through. Well, a couple of weeks ago, she approached the Father who is employed at the school after a chapel. He had spoken on how important works were in our lives. However, she approached him and told him that he did not understand the Gospel! He asked what she meant. She explained that Miss Hannah understood the Gospel, and that she understood because no matter what I was always kind to her class and always forgave them! She said that even though Miss Hannah gets frustrated with her class sometimes because they do not listen, that she is still kind! And, she went on to explain how Miss Hannah knew she had messed up before, but knew God had forgiven her and that's why she forgave her class! And, this is what the Gospel was about! Not about works, but about forgiveness!

After Marissa finished telling me this story, I just wept! The Father at the school had come to Marissa asking her who "Miss Hannah" was. I have felt SO far gone! I felt beyond the Lord's grace! And, yet He still used me! This kindness is NOTHING of me, but everything of the Lord!!! I am not telling you this story to brag, but to share with you how great God's grace really is!! It blows me away!! A few of the other teachers at the school, also, heard the same girl say that if I had never told her about Matt, that she would have never confided in me about her relationships! She also said that because she saw that I could be single and happy, that she could be single and wait for the right guy to come along! I am SO humbled by all of this!

Not only has the Lord mended hurt relationships, but He has shown himself faithful and full of grace by allowing others to see Christ through me even when I was too pig-headed to trust Him!

But, the story doesn't end there! This weekend, I went on a leadership retreat with my BCM! The speaker spoke on Friday night about Hannah from the Bible! I was named after her! And, I feel like the Lord was speaking directly to me from that passage! Hannah is Hebrew for "grace". And, His grace was evident in her life as well as in mine! Praise Him!!

My response to all this is this:

"So, I'll stand, with arms high and heart abandoned, in awe of the One Who gave it all! So, I'll stand, my soul Lord, to You surrendered! All I am is Yours!"
"But, what can I say? What can I do? But, offer this heart, O God, completely to You!"

Psalm 34:8
"Taste and see that the LORD is good; blessed is the man who takes refuge in Him."

That's all I have for now! Thanks for reading!
In Him,
Hannah :)